Standards & Practices
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Real Identity: Standards & Practices
Appearances: S&P
Powers/Skills: Magic
Voiced By: Fred Tatasciore and Tara Strong
Standards & Practices are two fairy-like figures. Standards goes by "S" and is the protector of public morals and champion of moral conduct. Practices goes by "P" and is the regulator of rules and defender of delicate sensibilities. Together, they make sure a television series is acceptable for audiences and avoids backlash and cancellation. Standards & Practices observed the carnage in Jump City and intervened on the Teen Titans unnecessarily wailing on Monsieur Mallah. They offered to help them clean up their act. Beast Boy was about to throw a trash can at Mallah's head but S made it vanish and stated they didn't want kids to imitate that behavior and suggested an alternate way to defeat their enemy. Raven conjured axes. P made them vanish and stated they were too intense. Starfire produced a feral kitten to use. S made that vanish. Cyborg proposed taking out Mallah the old-fashioned way, a flint missile to the face. Mallah flinched.
S said that would work but he can't shoot him so close. P suggested he take a few steps back. Cyborg complied. P advised a bit more. He did. P told him almost there. He complied. P told him that was perfect. Cyborg fired but the missile missed Mallah and hit the side of the Titans Tower. Robin found the current situation ridiculous and got out his staff. S told him to refrain from direct contact. Robin broke his staff over his knee in frustration. Standards & Practices told them they were just trying to help them avoid Backlash so they wouldn't get canceled. S told them they could be violent but they just had to make it "cartoony." Cyborg asked for more. P clarified silly and over the top then suggested hitting him with a whale. Beast Boy turned into a humpback whale and Cyborg bashed Mallah with him. S felt comfortable with it. P concluded it was not imitable and would be fine with international audiences. They, however, objected to their booty victory dance because their booties were a little too pronounced.
Raven conjured rope around Mallah but P found it too tight and made it vanish. Mallah bolted. The Titans were not pleased. S looked on the bright side and mused they avoided backlash. Standards & Practices appeared in the Titans Tower with concerns about bodily humor after Beast Boy's vegan chili started to turn on the Titans. P told them the emission of personal gas is offensive to the parents. Beast Boy found himself unable to say "fart" and P informed him it could not be aired. She told him "toot" was acceptable. S added "air biscuit," "backdraft," "booty bomb," "butt sneeze," "hot wind," "putt putt," "rump roar," "trouser trumpet," "under thunder," or "heiny hiccup." Robin started to get a stomach ache. Starfire found a sock in her bowl. Beast Boy realized that was his lost sock. Standards stopped the girls from vomiting. P told them it was too gross and would definitely result in backlash. S suggested they vomit off-screen. Cyborg declared it was impossible to live up to their high standards.
S pointed out they were superheroes and proper conduct should be in their nature. Raven clarified they were degenerate superheroes. Starfire added that was what made them appealing to the younger demographics of today. Robin believed they would have to change everything about them for their rules to be followed. P was okay with that. The Titans were zapped and turned into classic versions of the Teen Titans from yesteryear. P informed them they were limited to only wholesome behavior. Beast Boy produced a platter of vegetables. Starfire stated they would need much energy for the big fight. Raven thought she was talking about Darkseid. Starfire told her he was too scary for their audience and revealed she meant cavities. The Titans brushed their teeth in the bathroom in matching pajamas. Raven prompted them to go clean up the highway. Standards & Practices declared they had zero notes and approved of their activity. Robin hated they just stood around and talked. Beast Boy was so tired of following Standards & Practices' rules. Cyborg proposed they break every single of the rules.
The Titans cheered and ran off-screen. S asked them not to punch each other in the face. P told them not to pee or poop. Underwear landed on S. Beast Boy ripped his suit off and streaked. Backlash arrived in Jump City after the Teen Titans broke all of Standards & Practices' rules. He declared the Titans were rude, crude, and about to be subdued on behalf of all uptight parents everywhere. Cyborg asked for a chance to offer an insincere apology. Backlash grabbed Cyborg by the neck and informed him there was no escaping from The People's Outrage. Cyborg took a flying elbow and was pinned. Backlash did a three count. Cyborg screamed and distorted like a bad television signal and vanished. Robin realized Cyborg was canceled. Starfire promised they would think before they spoke next time. Backlash told her it was too late and gave her a Mega Earnings Drop, an elbow. She was canceled. He chased Raven then bumped her into the highway clean up sign. She bounced off into the fist holding his mike. She was canceled.
Beast Boy tried to sneak off but walked right into Backlash. He pleaded with Backlash to be gentle. Backlash grabbed his collar, elbowed him in the back, kneed him in the butt, and hit him with a wooden chair. Beast Boy was canceled. Robin pleaded with him and pointed out if he was canceled, the show would be gone forever. Robin took a beating. Standards & Practices intervened just in time and hit Backlash with a garbage can. S wrapped up Backlash with a chain, squeezed, and slammed him around. He threw Backlash up into the air where P blasted him with a RPG at point blank. S increased his size into a behemoth and smashed Backlash into the street then punched him repeatedly. P extended an arm and grabbed Backlash's tooth and pulled herself in to clothesline him.
S talked into Backlash's mike and declared he was finished. P retorted they were just getting started and they took him to space and dropped him. S produced a feral kitten and threw it into the crater to finish Backlash off. Robin was restored to normal. The other Titans returned. Backlash vanished in an explosion. Standards & Practices thanked the Titans for showing them the value of degenerative behavior. S told them without Backlash, they were free to behave like the disgusting animals they were. P proposed a chili dance party.