Porch Pirates
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Real Identity: Unknown
Appearances: Porch Pirates
Powers/Skills: Theft and Navigation
Voiced By: Fred Tatasciore (Captain)
The Porch Pirates are dirty thieves who prowl neighborhoods searching for packages, and when they find one, they steal it, costing consumers billions of dollars each year. One such crew were that of goblins that literally fashioned themselves as stereotypical pirates, complete with a pirate ship that could travel on land, but dressed in cardboard. They stole a package from the Titans Tower that contained the Teen Titans' new smoothie machine. Robin set a trap that when triggered would drop an electrified net on the perpetrator. While he explained the premise to the others, a pirate stole the box cleanly. Robin tested the trigger and was netted and electrocuted. Robin then set up a box with a glitter bomb inside but while he explained it, the box and his pants were stolen. Robin opted to hide in a big box with the other Titans to get the jump on the pirates. From their ship, they fired a big plunger that lifted the box onto the deck of their ship. Thought outnumbered, Robin demanded their package back.
The captain was impressed with the fight in them and made them a deal: steal a package from them and they could have their smoothie machine back. They refused to steal. They were forced to walk the plank to be fed to the Land Sharks. Robin didn't believe Land Sharks existed until one chomped the edge of the plank off. Robin dropped to his knees and agreed to the deal. Cyborg was tasked with stealing a package from Dr. Light's porch in order to get the Teen Titans' stolen smoothie machine back from the Porch Pirates. He carelessly triggered the plastic flamingo security defense system and was blasted back onto the deck. The captain called him a fool. Raven and Starfire disguised themselves as robot guards using cardboard so they could steal a package left at the entrance to the Brain's fortress. They thought they fooled the two posted guards but they got blown up as they walked away with the package. The package landed unharmed back where it was. The captain was exasperated with how the current generation of youth had no work ethic.
Ace guarded a box delivered to Wayne Manor. Robin and Beast Boy sneaked on to the property to steal it. Beast Boy was tossed at the ship by a swarm of bats and lost the box. Ace tossed Robin back towards the pirate ship. The box landed back with Ace. The captain assumed they failed. He next chose Axis Chemicals. Starfire pointed out that was a dangerous target. The captain agreed and implied he got his peg leg, hook leg, peg hand, and hook hand from trying to steal from the Joker before. He told them it was their last chance and if they failed, he would feed them and their smoothie machine to the Land Pirates. The Titans succeeded. The captain directed them to their smoothie machine on the starboard side where he activated a spring pad. They were abandoned on a Stuff Mart parking lot island. They were prevented from leaving by the Land Sharks. Two weeks later, little had changed until they domesticated the Land Sharks by feeding them their favorite food: a cardboard box.
They soon caught up with the Porch Pirates and easily dodged their cannonballs. The captain ordered his crew to go faster. The Titans boarded the ship with their sharks. Robin used his grappling gun, Raven used her umbrakinesis and portal, Beast Boy turned into a pterodactyl, Cyborg turned into a rocket form, and Starfire flew up. They made short work of the pirates, even ripping their cardboard clothes off. Robin's managed to chomp the captain's box and expose his underwear. The captain ordered the pirates to abandon ship. They attempted to escape in a rowboat but the sharks chased after them.