Brainiac
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Real Identity: Vril Dox
Appearances: So You Need A Crew, The Big Apricot, Floronic Man, Breaking Brainiac, Bottle My Heart, Frankette, Family Feud, Bottle Episode (But Not a 'Bottle Episode'), and The Mess Is the Point
Powers/Skills: Genius
Voiced By: Stephen Fry
Vril Dox was dispatched to various planets, in his Skull Ship, to perform analytics and to acquire anything deemed useful for his home planet Colu. Officially, his job was Collecting Information and Gathering Analytics Regarding Extra-Terrestrial Technology Equipment and Systems (or C.I.G.A.R.E.T.T.E.S.). He was married to Lysl and they had a son named Vril II. The family pet was Koko who resembled a small albino monkey they could all understand. Vril Dox was eventually promoted within the government and would no longer have to travel to get C.I.G.A.R.E.T.T.E.S. and he was relieved. Dox's wife surprised him with a "Congratulations" screen at dinner and presented a new recipe that used more cadmium. They began draining their meal. Dox found it delicious. Vril II was distracted with a hobby of his. Dox stated it was about next five, ten, and twenty billion future moves. Vril II rolled his eyes. Lysl brought up their neighbor Var-Don and shared that his wife told her he was close to powering down.
Vril Dox mused Var-Don outlived his usefulness. Lysl found it somber. Dox hoped they would sell the home and hinted he had optics on a sweet little cherry-red two-door rocket that would trigger many envy senses. He got a call from his supervisor, Mr. Starr, and took it outside. Starr appreciated Dox's kind words but pointed out he lost some decibels, particularly around his middle frequency, due to age. Dox understood and patted his stomach. Starr noted this would be the last download before Dox began his new occupation with the Coluan government. For the final trip, he was to journey to Bryak, an inhabited planet with a perfection potential of less than 50 that was in possession of a weapon known as the Hyper-Ray, which has the ability to decrease the size of both organic and inorganic matter. Dox's job was to run the analytics and obtain the Hyper-Ray then he could return home.
Dox was satisifed knowing no planet has ever come close to Colu's 99 percent perfection potential. Starr believed he could finally fix that one percent with his new position. Dox believed it was an insignificant amount and hardly worth acknowledgement. Starr declared he spoke like a true government official and joked if he wasn't a 12th level intellect, he would think he was a 10th level intellect. Dox found him humorous. Mrs. Starr interrupted them and pointed out she requested her husband to empty the trash. He tried to state he was going to but she did it herself again. Starr concluded the dispatch to make amends. Back inside, Dox played the song he and Lysl were betrothed to and they danced. She switched to telepathic communication and voiced her concern over Vril II being in distress as of late. Dox brushed it off as Adolescent Digital Humanoid Defectiveness. She disagreed and asked him to converse with his son. Dox implored Vril II to talk about his recent unease. He would not. Dox suspected he was excreting from his anatomy.
Vril II was disgusted he thought he could comprehend everything. Dox stated he did. Vril II asked him what would happen if the sun combusted. Dox answered he and every being he knew would be residing in their cybernetic forms by the time that happened. Vril II asked if that applied to Koko, too. Dox stated it especially applied to Koko because monkeys did not exist nearly as long as they could. Vril II was aghast and expressed he hated him and wished he would power down. Dox told him he was acting like a level one intellect and could not wait until he grew to level four or five. Vrill II expressed sarcasm about his ability to count. Dox retorted he was smart enough to actualize the tetrominos level he could not. Vril II believed he successfully vocalized the lack of pride he had for him and told him to get out of his room. Dox recalled it was his room last time he checked since he was the one with credits. Dox paced in his bedroom and vented. Lysl reminded him what he was like at that stage of development. Dox stated he was repelled by his son and wished he could unplug him.
Lysl recalled he always wanted to destroy what he could not understand. Dox teased there was one thing he did understand and turned on the vibrator. She pointed out they just exchanged files last night. Dox calculated couples should exchange files at least 2.3 times a week. Lysl granted approval but sans vibration. In a short time, he was satiated. Lysl stated she would take care of herself. They prepared to go into sleep mode. Lysl awoke him and asked him to proceed with additional caution on his journey. Dox told her he completed the calculations and there was no need for caution since all the variables were accounted for. In the morning, Dox was annoyed with his Skull Ship's deficiencies. Lysl gave him sustenance. Vrill II revealed he actualized the tetrominos level and called his father a genital. Lysl warned him to watch his output portal. Dox was surprised. Vril II added he bottled it so it would stay like that forever and not be messed with. Dox noted the imperfect way he completed it was perfect. Vril II detected pride in his offspring. Dox promised they would discourse when he returned.
Vril Dox took a photograph of his family and departed Colu. Koko revealed he sneaked aboard the ship for one final endeavor together. Dox agreed to let him come and locked his latest photo as his screensaver. Koko pointed to the bottle. Dox admitted he was proud of Vril II and he was going to transfer that information to him when he returned home. Koko said something Dox found humorous. The analysis of Bryak and acquisition of the Hyper-Ray was completed without delay. He returned home to find everything and everyone was wiped out. Mr. Starr made one final dispatch but faded before relaying what happened. Dox found the bodies of his family and blamed himself for not recognizing the significance of that one percent. He vowed to forever drift the cosmos, raging against imperfection. Years later, he finally came upon a planet with possibility. The planet was named Krypton and it had a perfection potential of 93 but the planetary core was unstable and the entire planet was doomed. He noticed the city known as Kandor was near complete actualization at 96 percent. Koko made a suggestion. Dox agreed they could salvage the planet's most advanced municipality instead of the planet itself.
Vril Dox dispatched drones to Kandor and helped it reach complete actualization. Dox mused time would destroy its perfection and time could not be frozen. He looked at his son's bottle then the Hyper-Ray and got an idea. He pressed "1" on the Hyper-Ray four times then fired it into an open portal. The Skull Ship fired eye beams that shrank and extracted Kandor from Krypton. He bottled it and believed the universe had finally revealed his destiny. In the 1980s or whenever, a Brainiac was a known supervillain on Earth according to Queen of Fables when she tried to take it to the next level. At some point, Koko perished but Dox continued to converse with a hallucination of him. Some centuries later, Dox finished actualizing and extracting Tamarus from Tamaran and Ytic Mahtog from Htrae. He thought Koko was in sleep mode and watched Coluan pornography. Koko surprised him. Dox admitted there was no sense of challenge anymore and mused he outlived his usefulness.
They came upon Earth shortly after Martian Manhunter left to hide the Anti-Life Equation from Darkseid. "Koko" pointed to Earth, a non-viable planet with a perfection potential of 8 percent. He took it as a challenge to help Metropolis, a city with a 20 percent perfection potential, reach complete actualization. Once that was achieved, he would shrink it with his Hyper-Ray and preserve it in a bottle on his ship like the others. He failed to perfect it. Lena Luthor entered into an alliance with him. For helping him understand humans and perfecting Metropolis, she would rule the city. She gave him the nickname "Brainiac" but he didn't like it. From his Skull Ship in space, Brainiac secretly aided Metropolis through the Automaton Sentry system and attempted to make the city 100 percent perfect by his standards. Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy's decision to stay in Metropolis reduced the 99% perfect score down to 86 to which he called a mess.
After Floronic Man was killed by Harley Quinn, Automaton Sentries teleported her and Poison Ivy onto the Skull Ship into a holding cell. Brainiac asked Koko what they were going to do with them. Koko made a sound. Brainiac agreed. Harley and Ivy found the surroundings less than desireable. Brainiac attempted to introduce himself but he was too loud on the intercomm. Harley and Ivy started to ramble about reality television and Howie Mandel. Brainiac talked to Koko but realized he left his intercomm on by accident. He neutralized Ivy then teleported Harley to his room and immobilized her. She detected a stench. He took it as an insult. She advised him to crack a window. He pointed out that would be fatal. She deduced Koko was the monkey skeleton near his chair and hoped he wasn't screwing it. Brainiac attempted to explain he was perfecting Metropolis and enjoyed the challenge but Harley was a variant beyond calculation so she had to be eliminated.
Harley immediately deduced he lost his mind when stuff was unpredictable and he just destroyed things he didn't understand. He briefly saw his dead wife and Harley knew she touched a nerve. He called her the ultimate barrier to perfection and had to be stopped before she spread any more of her damage. Before he could kill her, Lena Luthor teleported into the room and ordered him to stop. He took offense to being commanded and being called "Brainiac" by her. She reminded him their agreement was she took care of the humans while he took care of everything else. Brainaic pointed out Harley was getting in the way of everything else. Luthor promised she could keep her in line. Luthor admitted she liked her and as part of the deal, she could have what she liked then intimated she could tip off the human race about his plans. Brainiac approved and agreed to return Ivy and Harley to Metropolis with their memories wiped.
Brainiac estimated he would never bottle the city thanks to Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy. The perfection meter stood at 62 percent. "Koko" told him this wouldn't have happened if he was able to kill the couple. Luthor claimed they were the only fun ones in the stupid city. "Koko" thought she was lying and there was more to it. Luthor became frustrated with Brainiac, and pointed out he was talking to a dead monkey. He denied he was dead. Luthor grabbed some of Koko's bones and tossed them at him. He was still in denial. She called him crazy. He stated he was infallible. She reminded him he came begging her for help. He yelled at her to get off his ship and stated she was no longer needed. Luthor became irate that he ended their partnership and called him a fake and a liar. He mused she was just an ordinary human who will reside, frozen in bottle, like the others. Two drones teleported her back to the city. She spent the next four hours explaining everything to Harley, Bane, and Perry White, who was really Clayface, in hopes of them using the power of the press to warn the people of Metropolis.
Clayface put on a musical instead, titled "Brainiac, The Tragedy Of - The Musical" and held it at the Metropolis Opera House. Brainiac noticed the play and watched it. He realized Koko was dead and wept then wondered if he was crazy and questioned the point of taking Metropolis. After Frank the Plant died on stage in Ivy's arms, Brainiac realized there was someone who knew his pain. Lena Luthor lied to Harley and Ivy about Brainiac being Frank's killer and gave them access to her teleporter. Harley eventually found Brainiac rewatching Clayface's Brainiac musical and realized he was depressed. She asked him who he was talking to. He simply replied "them." She realized he was nuts and called out to Ivy. Ivy soon realized her powers weren't working. Brainiac pointed out he had no plants on his ship. Harley felt sorry for him but Ivy still wanted to kill him. They considered throwing water on him but he figured he should get to destroying the city since they were going to kill him.
Drones began vaporizing whole buildings. He explained he was going to burn it all down and start anew to rectify his foul up. Harley got an idea and sang "Hit the Bottle". She stood Brainiac up and had him dance with her. She tossed her the Hyper-Ray and used it to shrink Brainiac. They bottled him. Ivy wanted to stomp him then thought about filling the bottle with water. Harley realized Metropolis was still in danger. He refused to stop the drones since they were going to kill him because they thought he killed Frank. Ivy asserted he did. Brainiac questioned her and suggested watching the intermission in the play. They watched as Lena Luthor stabbed Frank the Plant to death. Ivy teleported back to Luthor's condo to kill her and left Harley to save Metropolis. She felt Ivy got the easy part. Every button she pushed made it worse. Brainiac refused to help and wanted to see it all burn down. Luthor teleported into the room and was amused to see a tiny Brainiac. Harley begged for help but she wanted something in return.
In her panic, Harley told her she could have anything. Luthor agreed and powered all the drones in Metropolis down. A drone poured her a drink and she declared they were even. Harley disagreed. Luthor revealed she killed Frank to make Harley and Ivy take the Brainiac threat seriously. Harley realized she was the real threat. Luthor pointed out she just saved Metropolis. Harley didn't believe she cared about the city. Luthor contended that was all she cared about and how it was hers. Harley called her a monster and was about to punch her but she was teleported to the city. One of the drones brought Frankette to Luthor. Brainiac was perplexed why she wanted her. Luthor admitted she didn't but Harley and Ivy did and they would be weak without each other. She gloated her plan worked out better than she thought it would while Brainiac, the galactically brilliant entity with an unfathomable grand plan, failed. She inserted Brainiac's tubes into her skull.
Bruce Wayne kept calling, to her annoyance. She was also annoyed Frankette tugged at her arm. Despite Dox's protest, she changed the administrator to her. She then taunted him for screwing everything up with his depressive episode but vowed she unscrewed it and was getting Metropolis bottle-ready. He gave her a thumbs up to her amusement. He explained that was the most offensive hand gesture in the entire galaxy surrounding Colu. She gave him two thumbs up to his shock. He retaliated with a peace sign. She flicked his bottle and knocked him off his feet. Wayne kept calling. She tossed her phone over her shoulder. She observed Ivy breaking into her condo and overriding her security system G.A.I.L. so she summoned the Automaton Sentries. Dox pointed out she didn't have to verbalize her commands and merely thinking them was sufficient. Luthor told him to shut it and told him she was having fun, something he wouldn't understand. He stated he was a 13th level intellect and understood everything, including fun.
She didn't believe him and pointed out instead of enjoying control of the world, he organized it like a bookshelf. She likened the rush to being better than being on Molly. He didn't understand. She explained Molly was her favorite horse when she was a child then she ordered the Sentries to destroy Ivy. Luthor put the finishing touches on Metropolis. She had the Sentries paint all of Park Ridge, including Lexcorp, teal, the color her brother hated. Then she turned prime commercial real estate into a curated artisanal store that only sells salt which he also hated. Then she changed the name Lexcorp to Lenacorp and gloated. She modified the Hyper-Ray's blast so the citizens of Metropolis were not frozen. Once she bottled Metropolis, she kissed the bottle and realized she had great lips then gloated to Dox she did way better that him. Dox begged her to kill him. She pointed out she wasn't a tech gal and needed him just in case. Harley, Ivy, and Lex Luthor later confronted her. His efforts failed.
Harley asked her what would happen next. She presumed she would be a god. Harley pointed out how that worked out for Dox. Dox pounded his head and wished to die. She was taken aback. The Luthors reconciled and teamed up to take over the universe. Together, they shrank Harley, Ivy, and Harley's mother, Sharon Quinzel. Lena scooped them up into Dox's bottle. Quinzel mused there were worst ways to die, to Ivy's annoyance. Ivy confronted Dox and demanded he snap out of it and figure out how to save them. Harley started to break down and cry. Ivy tried to comfort her. Harley blamed herself. Ivy tried to tell her Lena Luthor wasn't going to get away with it. Harley lamented she just wanted things to be perfect. Dox agreed he did, too.
While Harley and Ivy worked on a plan to escape, Quinzel continued flirting with Dox. Dox was resigned to it all ending in the bottle. Quinzel pointed out he was in a rut like Harley and Ivy were. Harley got an idea and jumped up and down to tip the bottle. Ivy joined then Sharon. Dox pointed out it would make a mess. Quinzel countered the mess was the point. Life was a great, beautiful mess. Lena set the Skull Ship on a self-destruct course with the planet Colu to force Lex to apologize. Dox had a revelation and realized he was wrong spending his life trying to perfect everything when the mess was the point all along. He joined them. The bottle tipped over and broke. Lex and Lena tried to kill them but they hid and took cover. Dox asked Ivy to get him to the Hyper-Ray. Harley noticed Frankette's leaf on the floor. Ivy produced vines from it and launched Dox. He used the Hyper-Ray to shrink the Luthors. Ivy headbutted Lena and Harley roundhouse kicked Lex unconscious. Dox then restored himself, Ivy, Harley and Sharon to normal.
Dox realized they were on a collision course. He decided not to turn off the self-destruct because the mess was the point. Harley and Ivy were not happy with Sharon. Harley lied and tried to convince Dox that was what he did at the end of the musical about him. Dox called to Bane in Metropolis. Despite a strong hint from Harley, Bane didn't lie and told him the musical ended tragically and sang the final song. Harley threw the cloth back on the bottle and tried to sing her rendition but Dox was not convinced. He saw Koko, Vril II, and his wife and wanted to have dinner with them one last time. Dox told the memory of his son he was proud of him and they hugged. They implored him to save Harley and the others since they helped him. Dox told Harley, Ivy, and Sharon there was an escape pod he programmed to take them back to Earth and they just had to follow the path he illuminated for them. He thanked them for showing him how it ends. They grabbed Metropolis and seven other shrunken cities and ran to the pod. Dox said his final goodbyes and the escape pod launched. He was with his family again and mused he was home at last. The Skull Ship collided with Colu.